I've wanted to do this post for a long time, and I mean longggggg time. It's something that has been in my heart for as long as I can remember, all the way back to my childhood actually.
Longing for England!!!
That may sound like the weirdest thing you may hear me say, but there's no other way for me to put it, other than I long to be in England. I feel an immense pull towards that country, and nothing I say, nothing I think, nothing anyone else says, can change that for me.
I've often sat and thought about why I felt this way, especially since I was not born in England, I've never been to England, other than a lay over for a couple hours in London when I moved from South Africa to the USA. Even in those brief hours, I felt at home, I didn't want to get back on the plane, I just wanted to stay there.
It's almost a familiar feeling and a pull so strong that at times, I will see a picture of a certain village or a vlog someone has done out and about in their town and I almost want to cry. It's the strangest thing ever.
Places like those above, especially, call out to me. I look at it and all I can think is HOME. My heart feels such a pull, such a homesickness towards it. But where does this all come from?
Now I'm not one that can sit here and say that I 100% believe in past lives or reincarnation, but if not for that, then where does my longing originate?
Have you ever felt that way towards a specific country, city, place?
Strangest yet is that I've always said certain phrases that are British, have always loved certain foods that are British, have always loved British TV above all others, and let's not even mention my obsession with the Tudors and Medieval and Victorian and Edwardian and all else.
I've done research trying to understand and all I come across is past lives, reincarnation, soul homes. The last one really called to me because it is exactly how I feel when I think of England. Like that's where my soul belongs, where it considers home.
But realistically, it's a place I may never be able to visit because I just don't have the money to afford it. So I long for it, see it from afar and hold it very tightly in my heart.
Everything about England calls to me. I love the homes, I love the life, I love the country, the foods, the accent, the way they say things and do things, their tv shows.
Now I know you may be thinking that it's all due to me reading about it, or what I see on TV and so on, but really it's not. In fact, it's the other way around. I do those things is because of that feeling, that longing, that need to feel like I'm home.
In my research, I came across a word that stood out, one which might actually describe exactly what I'm feeling, because I seem to have a hard time making people understand.
There is a noun in the German language called Sehnsucht. It has no real translation into English, but it can best be translated as "longing", "pining", "yearning", or "craving", or in a wider sense a type of "intensely missing".
All of my feelings wrapped up into a cool sounding word. Intensely missing, that's it, right there. So strange.
Though England is my home, Scotland and Ireland come very close too. But there's a difference, when I see Ireland I feel a longing to visit, but just because I think it's a beautiful country. Scotland on the other hand, is a little more like my feel towards England though NOTHING in comparison.
But even when I would watch Outlander and see the beautiful Scottish Highlands, my heard skipped a beat and pulled me to it.
None will ever come even close to scratching the surface of the UK for me.
I have decided that I need to start saving money and it may take me many years, but I HAVE to visit England, I just have to, there's no way around this feeling. Maybe the day I set foot in that country, I will understand why this calling, or for what purpose.
Maybe it will all be explained and I'll feel finally at peace, but until then I will continue to live it within me until the day that I can actually breathe in the fresh air in the countryside or take a walk down the cobblestones of the village street. I do believe the day that happens, I may just be a crying fool for even thinking about it now, brings me to tears.
I would love to know if any of you out there understand what I'm feeling, feel the same way towards a certain place or even maybe know why.
Let's have a little chit chat shall we?